the power of will

Things I have the willpower to do: 

1. Down 4 econo-size bags of candy

2. Sit through a Lifetime movie marathon all weekend

3. Listen to Spice Up Your Life on repeat for an hour 

4. Polish off a six pack and a pound alone in my apartment

5. Dance in heels for four hours straight

6. Sing a terrible Karaoke song in front of someone hot

7. Recite all the lines from Superstar or Little Giants on command

8. Wear deodorant sometimes

9. Eat expired Doritos, an M&M off the floor, or ABC gum

Things I don't have the willpower to do: 

1. Drink Mountain Dew 

2. Run 9 miles in the Fargo Marathon Relay

Only one of these things have I actually committed to doing.
A) Can you guess which one and
B) What I'm trying to say is...shoot me.