never the turtle

After recent reflection with my brother and some of my close friends, I've realized that when it comes to relationships, I'm not the turtle. I'm the hare. I'm a Naboulsi. And, as it turns out, we Naboulsis (and Banmans, my little brothers) just don't know how to pace ourselves.

When it comes to emotionally investing, we do it fast. With people we don't know and people we do know. With our friends, with our more-than-friends. It's a wonderfully dangerous habit, really. One that draws people in and pushes them away. Or both. Usually, at least a little bit of both. Connection - and I'm paraphrasing Ursula from The Little Mermaid, here - is what I live for. It's why I & the rest of my fambamily love to (and do) connect so quickly with strangers. Because we let them in at lightening speed. The problem is, we want to be let in just as quickly. We try our darndest, waiting to tap into the little spot in other people, hoping to spark an all-out, weirdo emotion festival. And, for whatever reason, perhaps because a lot of practice has proven it nearly true, we think it'll work every time.

But sometimes our encounters remind us that we're wrong. That people are different than we are. That we can't get to everyone. And when that happens, when someone doesn't want to let us in, it's difficult for us not to feel disappointed. Not to take it personally.

For the record, I know these differences make the world beautiful and rich and new and exciting. We are a family that celebrates and tries to understand other-ness. To prove it, my brother, Sami, has a third grade report card that, aside from his grades, says only, "Marches to the beat of his own drum." But for some reason, in the world of emotional sharing, we go against our grain and wish for sameness. We wonder why others don't want to or don't know how to talk about their feelings.

Note: when I say "talk about their feelings," I should say "talk and talk...and talk." I guess you could say we're a family that knows how to beat a dead horse. We call our house The Glue Factory.

Ew, no we don't. I'm sorry I said that. Well, not really. This post needed some lighter spots. Anyway, my point is that we're all learning. So, even though I want everyone to let me in, when they don't, it's just another opportunity for my own growth. And for that, I've got to be thankful.

But I don't have to like it.